WHEN THET SPEAKS: Unbounded.Uncensored.Unsuppressed.No Rules.No Non-Sense.

I was making parinig to Russell about him visiting me to the office. But it seems that he just couldn't find the time to visit me because he is with his other wife-- his best friend playboy cum best man Von. LOL. Apparently, they were in SM checking out on something. I got pissed that I told him that he should get home before dusk. He was supposed to finish an AVP that I ask him to finish on that day. Oh well, I was still hoping that he will visit me in the office. But I was wrong. I called his house in Cavite around 8pm and he was there. I shouted at him, literally, out of frustration. So there isn't really any chance of him seeing me on that day. Because I was really mad at him and as I went ballistic, I called again at around 9pm. This time, he wasn't at home. My heart was pounding. I didn't know what to do. A lot of negative things came into my point. I tried calling his friend Von, but the best friend told me that he was not with him. Oh, my! Where did this maggot go?! I also texted his youngest sister, Girlie of his whereabout but little sister couldn't give me any significant details. I was about to call his parents when...

10 minutes before midnight of December 8, I was surprised as someone kissed me on my cheeck (coming from behind huh), gave me a bouquet of flowers, a VCD-AVP and a cake with 5 candles (for five years?!). It was Russell! I really blushed. All this time, it was only I who didn't feel his presence in the office. As always, I have been the center of attention in our department.


We won a departmental competition so my team shared a bilao of pancit for our lunch. I also bought pork bar-b-q from metrowalk's yoohoo so it was a full meal for lunch. It was during this time that Russell disclosed to me that the reason why he went to SM Bacoor is to buy me flowers and the cake. He was home at 8pm as he was trying to finish the AVP that I ask him to do. He left his place at around 8:30 so that he could be in the office before a second of December 8 ticks.

Awwwww...that was sweet, isn't it?! I guess, I've just been to pressured and stressed nowadays and little things could get me irritated easily. I have thought all of the negative scenarios and hurting words that I will tell Russell once I get to see him but all those things fade away when I learned what really happened.





It's only8 days to go. I can't feel yet the feeling of excite. I am more of getting more stressed and stressed. But everytime I would look at Russell's innocent face as he sleeps, it makes me realize that I am about to begin a new and beautiful chapter of my life. And that completes me. Next year, we're gonna celebrate our 1st anniversary as husband and wife.

Good night! (3:08 am)

Today is my last day in the office. I'm gonna be on leave from today until the 3rd of January 2008. While I am pretty excited about it, I just can't help but feel awful because today is our 5th ANNIVERSARY, our last anniversary as bf-gf. I have planned something for this day but ithas to be scapped since some stupid people in the office didn't make a good forecast of the workload vs. the current manpower that we have. What a bummer!

What a way to start my week. I was on vacation yesterday so I didn't know that my leave for Friday was denied. This is the first time (in 2 YEARS) that my vacation leave was denied. Suddenly, all of the things we have planned for oru anniversary have been trashed in just a snap. It's really disappointing but I guess I justhad to deal with it.

I admit, one of my waterloos is I tend to over react and to jump into a quick conclusion every time a conflict arises. I REALLY REALLY HAVE TO WORK ON THIS ATTITUDE. Just a couple of minutes ago, I received a text from one of my closest friends in the office. He said that the latest post written in his blog wasn't meant for me. I was quite relieved to know that and at the same time, feel ashamed of what I have already posted. As the cliche goes, "the damage has been done". Siguro, pagdating talaga sa team members ko biased ako at madali ako mag-wating kapag feeling ko eh naiisahan sila. Anyhow-inihaw, I'm SORRY naman tukmol. Pagpasenciahan mo na ang mga ka-Franciahan (praning) ko. Loves mo pa rin naman ako di ba? Di ba? Coffee ba lang tau sa Starbucks sa Friday. Hindi ako papasok ngaun... coz it's raining and I am in Cavite... *wink wink* LOL

Let me set this straight. My people are the ones doing you a favor. It should never be the other way around. Who would not want to relax after getting the job done? Sana nipisan ng konti ang pagmumukha. If you know that you are "relaxing" at the expense of other people, please have the courtesy to take back whatever workloads that have been assigned to you. I guess I am overly reacting because that incident happened during the time I was not there. My people cannot complain because I WAS NOT THERE. Bakit nga ba nag-aangas pag wala ako. Utang na loob, wag naman mashadong madugas! Come on! Why not try giving me a dose of my medicine? You think I am violent? Oh yes I am VERBALLY violent. Of all other people, you should have known me better. You should know that I care a lot for my people because you have also been my subordinate, once. I just need to ask you this:

Was there ever a time that you really "EXTENDED A HAND TO US"? Have you ever helped us complete our task? Last Monday, I joked around as I told you to do something for my team. But you just ignored me. You IGNORED ME--something which made not only me, IRRITATED, but my entire team. I am not sure if you didn't decipher the message that I am trying to convey or if it's because just you're numb. And now you got the nerve to tell in your blog that you're playing such a crap philanthropist?!? EXCUSE ME?!?!!!!

I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS: You are being paid to work. If you have completed the task, you have the right to go on 'petiks mode'. But hell no that it is just and right to let others do the job for you while letting your ass get fat on your comfy chair.

Are you even aware of the impact of those actions has brought to your former team members? They are SLOWWWWWLLLLLY finishing their assignments because they simply don't want to be the reliever of your project. Albeit that kind of attitude is not right, I just can't blame them. And now that I am going to be away for more than a month, I fear that I will come back with a bunch of disappointed and unmotivated people. All of us are being paid the same amount of salary but workloads for them are being doubled. Have you ever tried putting your foot on their shoes? THINK.

I am not really mad at you because I consider you as one of my closest friends in the office. I am mad with the way how people are being managed. I hope our relationship won't get tainted as both of us are just expressing our utmost honest and sincere opinions here. But just a piece of advice, have some time to REFLECT what is really going on.

So much has happened over the past few weeks. I just couldn't squeeze in some time to write everything in one post, I mean all at once.

November 16

Last week, 4 of my QAS celebrated their birthday's. Too bad, I am really in a tight budget that is why all I could give them is a small box of Toblerone chocolates. I was supposed to be on leave on this day but I just couldn't afford to be absent on this day since it's the birthdays of my 4 beloved QAS. That is why I decided to go on half-day. We had some small feast. I asked my Ate Grace to cook some Carbonara for 19 people. I think I have over estimated the "eating capacity" of my team since there were so many pasta left overs. There were 2 pasta containers and we only finished one so we decided to give the other container to the day-shift teams. Oh, by the way, the four celebrants had some loot bags that was distributed to the rest of the team members.

We had fun big time. Every body was laughing when one of my fave-funny QAS, Josh, danced to the tune of Happy Birthday!

Russell was also there. He helped me as I did some cut-outs for the birthday banner. (side story: one of the QAS from the other team commented how "tyaga" and "maalaga" I am to my team members--wow...nakakataba naman ng puso!) He also brought his digicam and camcorder. So everything was documented. At least, I'll have something to watch after I resign come mid-2008.

Oh yeah. Though things are doing well now in the office, I just find my current state in the company too un-needed. I need a place where my thoughts could be heard and where my action plan can be executed. I am a very result oriented person that is why it is such a bummer when things don't materialize according how it was planned because of bureaucracy.

November 18

We completed the second part of our Pre-Cana seminar. It was the last of the 2-part seminar we have to attend as part of the church requirements before getting married. On the first Sunday that we had, there were at least 18 couples who attended the seminar. But on this day, there were only 2! Oh yeah, that 2 couple already includes us. We really didn't know what happened but we're thing of the Feast of Our Lady of Remedies as the main reason why some couples didn't make it on this day. Anyhow, I enjoyed this part better than the other part of the Pre-Cana Seminar. On this day, we were thought how important Sex is in marriage. We were also thought how to make a baby boy and/or a baby girl. Boy, Russell was really listening on this part and he even took down notes. We were quite exhausted after this seminar so instead of going to a spa in SM Bacoor, we just decided to go home and have some sleep.

November 19-21

As what I have posted before, Russ and I had some silly arguments. I am just thankful to God that he gave me Russell because Russell always make me see the other side of the world. That every person has a good side. I won't go any further into this matter but all I can say is that, I am marrying not just a good guy but a GREAT one.

November 23

We were supposed to attend the W@W X'mas Party but since it's also the birthday of my mother-in-law to be, we headed to Tagaytay instead. Mama was quite busy with her Rotary Club affair so we only left Noveleta at around 7pm. When we got there, it's already 8pm. It was really cold out there and too bad, I didn't bring any jacket. I got colds now (AGAIN!). After having a sumptuous meal in RSM Tagaytay, we went to Cafe Lupe (at 10:00pm) to see some live bands only to realize that we have a chikiting with us. Chelsea (Russ only niece) is already sleepy! We just enjoyed ourselves with a 10-minute sound trip while having our coffee in Starbucks. We got home around 11:30. I thought we're gonna snooze at this time but lo and behold. Russell is meticulously fixing the wet PSP of Girlie (youngest sister). Ambait talaga ni Kuya! It's now 8:30 and Russell is snoring like hell again. I really wanted to turn off the A/C because I am feeling real chilly but I am afraid I am wake him up. Good luck na lang sa sipon ko!

Today, we're gonna attend the bridal fair in Megamall to look for our wedding rings. Oh yes, we don't have our rings yet. We were waiting for some people to sponsor our rings. Thank God, he heard our prayers! Oh cia, I am really excited over our activity today.

'Till next update!

Why do I always have to take the backseat?

After I revealed to Russell all the nasty things that his jerk bestfriend told me a couple of years ago, Russell just doesn't seem to care. As if I am not hurt. As if I was not offended. As if it didn't matter tome.

Why do I have to be the one to adjust? Why is it I should always be the one who should understand?

I feel very unsupported and.....neglected.

I stayed in Cavite for 2 nights. My family went there to pay Russell's folks a visit and it turned out really well. I will share some pictures and stories but not now. 'Cause I have to leave na and a pile of work is waiting for me tonight.

OMG. My heart is bleeding every time I have to leave. While I want to spend more time with my family, I can't bear not to be with Russell even for a day. I'm missing him so much. I may not be showy and expressive on how I feel, but the truth is, I'm really having a hard time, as in REAL HARD TIME every time I have to go. Russell doesn't know that I am blogging right now. He is sleeping. While looking at him, I want to cry. Sometimes when I look at his innocent face, I just wanted to hug and kiss him. I just want to marry him. If we can only skip the stage of tedious wedding preparation, I certainly will.

It's only November, and yet I am already feeling this way. What more when March comes? Dapat sanay na ako sa eksenang airport. But March is going to be a different one, for that that, I'm already MRS. RUSSELL HERNANDEZ. I'm really going crazy. Will you please help me out? Kaya ko ba? I don't know. Naiiyak na ko. :(

I am so sad and at the same time proud, that one of my people has been promoted as an oprations supervisor. A former team member of mine said that my "legacy" has never fade. When this girl was transferred to my team, I didn't know her but I embraced and welcomed her in my team whole-heartedly. When she was on the process of answering the questionnaire given to EPS aspirants, I asked her not to answer the question right away but think it overnight. Marami pa syang maiisip na isagot na baka di nya maisama kung magmamadali syang sumagot. Upon learning the good news, she texted me and thanked me for all the lunchesand experiences we shared. Tomy surprised, I received an email from her yesterday:

I am so used to the gesture that people from my team who got promoted will treat me to starbucks or lunch but this simple email really made my day. I didn't actually realize that in such a short span of time (2 months), I was her model and now that she is going to be a supervisor like me, she will try to use the same people management that I do.

Oh well, So long Roxanne! I'm gonna miss you!

We are scheduled for our canonical interview today at round 8:30am, Malate Church. These last two days have been pretty tiring for me. Yesterday, we processed the necessary papers for our marriage license. I was feeling real groggy but I got no choice but to join Russell as we attend the family planning seminar. Today, I'll be off from work at around 5am.I'm gonna meet him at Aristocrat today at around 8am. If my body can no longer handle the physical stress that wedding preparations could bring, I might take another SL tonight. I'm really tired. I hope that wedding will be over soon. Russell and I hardly had the time to be "together". I miss the 'olgood days where the only thing we would worry about is getting home late.

*sigh*

But he is ignoring me!!!! AghHhHhHhH!!! He is busy doing online games with his PS3 and he doesn't even give me a glance! As early as now, I am experiencing the what they say "adjustment period." I just can't help it! When I want to get something done, I'll make sure that it gets done the soonest time possible. Procrastination is not an option. But Russell? He doesn't have the sense of urgency. He wants to get things done IN HIS TIME.

Late this afternoon, Russell and I finally had our confirmation rites. After an hour, our confirmation certificate was already available. But before getting this very much needed church requirement, there has been a drama in the parish office. And that needs a separate post as it is going to be a long read. Really. It's like as if you are watching a melo-drama cum comedy TV episode.

All I want to say is that God is really good. Despite the trouble that we experienced, God sent us an angel.

One of the things I don't like about working in a call center is the dispensability of the people. I mean people from this kind of corporate environment tend to move around at a very much faster rate comparedto the traditional corporate setting.

I'm not really sure if I will be proud or be pissed off with my currentsituation. Apparently, my team was soOoO efficient because despite of the small number of people I have (17 QAS) given the amount of target that was given to us, we were able to hit it in a very timely manner. As of now, there is a seasonal account that will run only until December and they need to pullout 2 peoplefrmmy team. My initialreaction was "What?!! Are you serious?" With 10 people dedicated to one line of business and 7 other peopleto another LOB, our workforce is just enough. We can't afford to have someone to go on leave or absent. But then again, I can do nothing as I am just a lowly-life QA supervisor. I exist in our company to follow orders. Something that really sucks knowing the fact that the one giving direction to our campaign doesn't really understands how the business runs. *Sigh*

I hope that one the ONE will have the guts to go our area and LEARN how we are going on with our QA lives. Where the ONE came from is far different from what we are praticing now.

I woke up this morning with a hug and a kiss from my loving husband-to-be. I was shivering from the cold air brought by the AC system in his room. After years of waking up alone every morning/night, it feels weird and at the same time joyful that finally, somebody is now with me to share beautiful mornings. At around 10:30, I crave for Jollibbe spicy chicken. My uberly cute-na-cute fiance traveled all teh way from Noveleta to Cavite City just to satisfy my cravings! I soOoOooOo love him! He also bought me medicine for my terrible cough.

Do you still remember the first time you experienced a heart ache? It was like the end of the world isn't it? One member of my entourage list, as I have mentioned in my previous post regarding shoes, has just suffering from an "I'm alone now and it's the end of my world" drama as she and her boyfriend of 7 years just ended their relationship and decided to break up. I could blame her if she feels alone now and she wants to be out casted first. I guess, that is just a normal feeling especially for somebody like her who invested so much time, money and effort in their 7-year course of relationship. It just made me wonder why couples nowadays no longer send a goodbye letter. People can just break a relationship with just a simple SMS or phone call. That is something disappointing because as a person who loved somebody genuinely, I guess one should deserve some respect of talking and ending the relation 'in person.' But that is not the case of JL. M, her ex-better half had the guts to tell JL that he is no longer happy with their relationship and that he wants to start a life of his own. When I learned this the other day, JL and I talked over the cellphone for more than 20 mins. as I tried to comfort her. I told her all the things that I did when I had my first break with my college bf. There are so many things that she can do in order to overcome loneliness. But bottom line is, she is the one who is in the driver's seat. She is the one who is directing her life. She can only find support from her circle of friends and family but at the end, she's still going to be the one to decide whether she wants to move on or cry over spilled milk. Reading articles on relationship can be a therapy too. Websites like http://www.romanceforeveryone.com/ can be very helpful as it offers a wide range of readings and other stuff that will make her understand men, relationships and more importantly, online dating.

JL and I, together with Bebeh will go out this Saturday. We're gonna take her gown measurement and I'll treat her. That's the least thing that I can do for a friend who is experiencing a life-changing event like this.

Somebody just dropped me a note saying that he/she (signed anonymously) the motif that I chose and the shoes aren't that pretty. I should have tried (daw) to mix and match some colors.

My take on this: Thank you for your suggestion but I would politely say that I don't need one as of this time. All has already been settled. Besides, if you don't like color because it doesn't look happy, that is your opinion. To each his own as they say. Tabi-tabi lang po: I don't like lively colors either like matching plums with pink or yellow and green/pink ...why? I have my own reasons. Reason that I would rather keep to myself rather than hurting those people who have used these colors. Besides, we will use 24 units of par64 lights with mixture of pink and amber lights so I think darker color will compliment these bright colors.