After 3 days of being sick, I finally went back to work last Thursday. I was still not in the mood to go back to work but an idea just popped in my head so even though I am already late, I still pushed myself to go to the office and see my other Canadian manager who's been in town since last Monday. I haven't seen her yet since she came. I was feeling giddy over the fact that I will get to see her after a year and yet, I was feeling kind of low as well because I am about to disclose a very unfortunate news.
I was walking the Ortigas Road area but my mind was traveling somewhere else. That is why I never realized that Mgr was standing just a few steps away from the Ortigas Bldg.'s parking area and was actually looking at me. When I finally saw her, I immediately greeted her and she asked how I am am doing now. In a very coarse voice I said, "I'm OK now. Thanks for asking. Well actually, I am not supposed to be here in the office yet but I just have to tell you a life-changing event later this evening." She said, "Oh no! I don't want to hear that!" I just palely smiled. Then I went upstairs.
Because I was not around for 3 days, I was really really overwhelmed with the number of emails I have to read. Imagine, 600 emails in two outlook account! darn it! Oh well, I have already expected this. I don't think I have been away for this long in my two-year-plus stay in the company and every time I would go on a 1-day absent or leave, I should be expecting 150+ emails.
Anyway, my day was just a pretty normal day for me. I updated a kilo-metric number of trackers, coached my team member, checked my team's effectiveness and efficiency stats. My routine has always been that way. James B. has always been a big help to me but now that he is going to concentrate more on his QAA work, I have no other choice but to face this EVERY DAY HELL. Well I told myself, "That's fine. 'Tis not gonna be for that long." I even sent an email of gratitude to my team (sorry Carol and James B... I didn't mean to exclude you) by telling them how much they made the last few months of my EPS stint even more meaningful when they initiated a petition and how grateful I am for having team members like them. I know that we have been in the same situation before (saying my goodbye to them) but I thought that I am more firm this time. Nobody can stop me from resigning. Sometimes even when the salary is really that good and office people are just adorable, when you have already lost your passion into what you are doing, you are not gonna survive for long. I still like my what I doing; developing people's potential and letting them climb up the corporate but I just don feel that the company whom I will forever be grateful, the first company who also nurtured my potential, NO LONGER VALUES MY CONTRIBUTION. I don't think that this company still needs me, so to speak. I have lots of rants to say but I would rather keep it to myself. This blog has been quite a popular blog in the office that even some people from network and reporting department are now reading it. Oh well, thanks for the traffic! LOL Kidding aside, I was doing just fine when about two hours before end of our shift, MGR approached me and told me that we needed to talk to me.
We went to a her office and Mgr had let me be the one to disclose the news. But even before saying a thing (and though I got blank and I can sense that my voice is gonna tremble) she already said, "Well, actually I think I already have an idea on what you are about to say but I guess you have something to say anyway so please go ahead." Then I started to enumerate all the things that we need to work out if we want to make our campaign the most successful and profitable program in the company. Manager-subordinate relations, open and proper channeling of communication, commendation and recognitions, monetary rewards for the QAAs and the QAS are just a few of the many things I have emphasized. One of the major points I have raised is my (twice: one and a half years) delayed appraisal review. It is so ironic who does performance reviews for her QAS 2 weeks before their regularization gets her own 14 of being a permanent supervisor. Being the very THET, I will not just go with the flow if I know that something is not right or if something needs to be justified first before we comply as they shouldn't expect people to just follow orders without knowing the reason why a task has to be done and how it should be done correctly. We are humans. We are not humans. We are not robots. Sometimes, one's health could really take it's toll and even patience. On top of that, I told her that I feel that our program doesn't need someone like me now so I guess it's for me to say goodbye and find another program where I could share my ideas and my thoughts will be heard. What she told me after I shared my views really made me cried. "Is there anything I can do for you not to go BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO AND I AM DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT THAT. The reason why you were given with those tasks is because you are the strongest and the most senior supervisor in this campaign. You have pioneered this one and the fact that a lot of QAS has supported a signature campaign for you is just a manifestation of how good you are. I know that you can set aside personal issues from work. I know that you have personal disagreements with ------ but I don't really care. All I really care is for you guys be professional when you are on the floor. I personally apologize to you for not paying close attention to your performance review but I just got too pre-occupied. Again, I take full responsibility on that. But I'll make sure that before I leave Manila, I'll have an answer for you."
Call it mababaw ang kaligayahan but hearing those things from somebody I really expect and somebody who has high standards for excellent performance is just too overwhelming. That somehow re-lived my passion. We came into an agreement that I will not resign (yet) until the result for my performance and salary review comes out. Sometimes, I can't help but think why some employees had to "threaten" their boss that they are going to resign before thebosscould give them a salary increase. I am really not asking for too much. I am not really unreasonabl.e I am just asking what is dues for me just like everybody else in our company already had. Hmmm...I guess I just have to wait and see...
P.S.
When I told my team about this conversation quite a number of them said, "Praise God!" or "God is Good!" Some of them were smiling foolishly. I soOOOoO LOVE MY TEAM!
Labels: office stories, what i feel |
