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No Holds Barred: A compilation of rants, raves, movie and book reviews, R & R escapades, relationships, office workloads, and stories to ponder. For this year, this is also going to be our wedding blog. Updates and Review on Wedding Suppliers will posted here...Honeymoon experience and other escapades will also be posted.
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I love you in spite of...
Friday, August 24, 2007
For the past few weeks, reality hit me. darn it! i've been hanging on a long-distance relationship for the past 4 years of my life. a lot of people say that i'm strong, that i am patient. i used to be feisty and spontaneous. without russell on my side, i am crippled. i no longer enjoy the things i usually do. as expected, i feel real bored. being "thet", of course if you know me, i would vocally say what i feel and what is on my mind. i'm sooOoO happy that i have always been honest and brutally frank to the man who showed me how beautiful life is, as this attitude (being a blunt b!@tch..LOL) made him realize that being engaged (or even married) does not give one a license to be lax and let the spark of the relationship fade away.

ahhhhh! Enough has been said about my sentiments----Being a pathetic Internet fag, i found this article which helped me realize a lot of things about love, jealousy, and trust. I just thought I should share this article to my friends who are experiencing turbulence in their relationship.


Of course you've heard of joe d mango. He gives advice on love andrelationships on Wave 89.1. Have u ever wondered what he does when he hashis ownlove problems? Does he give advice to himself? Does he handle it verywell?Here's his story. Three fridays ago, our guru on relationships, joe d mango, read aletter to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For thepast 11 years, he had been giving advice to people who would writehim letters about their personal problems. To the surprise of hislisteners that friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters,he read one that he had written himself to his wife Bing.Joe felt that he had to tell his listeners that even someone like himcould go through a marital crisis, but that he survived it. Here'show his letter goes:

In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had aclose circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us wasjust "you and me," day in and day out. We were literally sleepingbeside each other for 11 years. It came to point that there wasnothing more interesting to talk about. I was aware I was doing thatbut I never did anything about it. We were so close yet it seemedlike we were so distant. Then came her new circle offriends.They recently had an elementary and high school reunion. Remember herpersistent suitor since elementary days? He was there. We already hadfour daughters and the guy had four kids of his own. They exchangedphone numbers. They started to text each other and this bothered me.a big part of it was insecurity and other part was that she oncedenied that she was texting the guy.

I felt bad because she started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked her if they could meet for lunch. It became a source of tensionbetween us. I finally agreed, but before that, I told her that I felt that I was going through the same pain again. I have seen so manystories like this. If you told me the first part of the story I would already know where it would lead to.Bing accused me of being a "know-it-all" person. But deep in my heartI knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a marriedgirl unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally,even if it was against my will, I drove her to the meeting place.

While I was waiting at the radio station, I wanted to call her but knew it wasn't proper. So I just waited for her to tell me how thei rmeeting went.When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping theother details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn't prepared to accept her answers. I told her that it would be best if that was their last meeting. She got mad and told me that I was starting to control her life.The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words,"lose you" in the trash can at home. I started picking up the pieces of paper and putting them together. She had written: "Felt sad because I felt that this will be our last meeting." "Wanted to hug you..." Before I could figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted to get the torn pieces of paper back.She said it was private property. We decided to talk.By then, I was able to figure out the third line: "Not sure if afraid to lose you." She had crossed it out and beside it, she hadwritten, "Wanted to cry."

That was what hit me. How could you lose something that's not even with you yet? That was a confirmation that she was getting emotionally attached to the guy. We fought because she didn't want to admit it. She said that what she had written was all about friendship and not about love. For the first time in our marriage she asked for freedom from me. For 11 years we were always together, and now this.She had discovered her own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn't want to give it to her but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do anything she wanted and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told her that I was planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give each other the chance to be alone. We decided to give the new arrangement a try.

The following day, Thursday, I went to work early and she texted me. I never answered back. When I didn't respond, she called me. She said, "I'm sorry. I love you and I miss you." For the first time inour mariage I said, "I love you and I miss you too" with tears in my eyes.I realized how much I loved her but I also knew how much she wanted her freedom. When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised me to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave. After letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life that I asked for advice about our relationship.While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 whiteroses arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my cellphone came, "I know that no material things can ease the pain that you're feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere intentions. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."Still, a question continued to bug me: "I'm giving you the freedom.Will you choose to stay or go on?" I read the card, and it had theanswer to my question: "Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made avery big mistake in choosing a new found friendship at the expense ofour long-time friendship. Please forgive me. I wil always love you."

Bing called the guy and told him that she wanted to end the friendship. He said that they could just text or call each other.Bing said that there was no need.We had dinner and talked up to 1 am. It was like getting married allover again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do not wantto go through the same pain again.Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I couldn't do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was atthe station at 9am,I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself,should I read this or do a replay? I chose to read the letter. It is not unusual to hear people say "I love you because..." but this story has shown us that the deeper and greater love ishaving to say "I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF..."


Stay in love guys! (,")

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posted by ruther @ 2:12 PM  
  • At 8/24/2007 2:59 PM, Blogger mschumey07 said…

    Married for almost 21 years now. Nothing has changed. My secret? I made her friends my friends. I've enjoyed my single life and was prepared to surrender my freedom when I married.

    Yup, being married and being friends is the way to go. But giving each other space will definitely help. Try to draw strength from each other and you can never lose.

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Name: ruther
Home: Ontario, Canada
About Me: *25-something faggot *proud pinay *business degree imbecile *iskolar ng bayan *former student activist *call center quality assurance supervisor* former DELL computer technician* *prefers grave yard shift rather than day shift job *doesn't drink nor smoke *koreanovela sucker *lead guitarist *internet-holic *bossa nova aficionado *KFC extreme hot shots lover *imago's fan *sydney bristow apprentice(wish!) *gil grissom struggling student(talk about being geek!) *jack bauer's love interest(another wish!) *michael scofield's savior(get real!)* avid follower of jerry bruckheimer *soon-to-be-bride of a very wonderful groom.
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