WHEN THET SPEAKS: Unbounded.Uncensored.Unsuppressed.No Rules.No Non-Sense.

I can't think of any decent title for this post so I'll just leave it with "...". For the longest time time in our relationship, it is only yesterday that I appreciated how loud Russelll would snore when he sleeps. I usually get irritated with it (who doesn't?). But yesterday was a different thing. Tuwang-tuwa ako habang pinagmamasdan ko syang matulog.

Last Tuesday was Nany Pene's (Rusell grandma-mother side) 4th death anniversary. I came home at around 7:30 from my graveyard. I dropped by at Caltex since he manned the store Monday night. We both came home at around 8:30 as he had to finish some reprots before going gome. We didn't doze off instantly as we fooled around with the utots and kulangots (as always). I think it's about 11:00 am when we finally fell asleep. We woke up at around 2pm. so all we had is just 3 hours of sleep. I needed to go to Metrobank as 2 of my credits are already due on that day. Metrobank's teller service is the worst service I have experience so far. (Read the post about it here.). We arrived at Metrobank Cavite City around 2:30 and left around 4:00. We initially thought that we will go home so that we would just go along with my in-laws. Ayaw ni Russell magdrive ng MB 100 van..mashado daw malaki. Unfortunately, Mama Luvie texted him that they are already on the cemetery. He had no other choice but to the drive the van all the way to the cemeteray. When we got there, we were welcomed with lotsa food. It was a "pigging out" celebration. We stayed there for only 2 hours and we went back home again to steal an hour of nap.

At around 8pm, he woke up because he had to take over Caltex's night shift. I didn't go with him (something that is very unusual) because I was really sleepy at that time. I just told him that I would join him around midnight. I though I'm gonna be awake for a longer period of time. But I am wrong. After 2 hours of manning the gas store, Russell fetched me home. Di ko kinaya ang puyat. He stayed there until 8am. In short, it was like a 12-hour shift. Mas grabe pa sa work ko because I only have 8 hours (with 1 hour break) work.

Anyway, we got home at around 8:30. As usual, kulitan blues pa rin. It was about 10am today when I suddenly felt hungry. I was craving for Jolllibee's nachos overload. Though Russell is too tired to go outside, he just phoned Caltex people and they had it delivered to our home. I was so happy. Talagang hindi nya ako pinapabayaan. I really feel pampered.

When the food arrived, I thought he is still awake. To my surprise, he is already snoring. I didn't bother waking him up since I know that he is too puyat. While I'm enjoying my nachos, I looked at his face, kiss the tip of his nose and brushed his hair with my fingers. Then I whispered "I love you...". I thought I woke up him as he looked at me in the eye. Pero naalimpungatan lang yata. He went back to sleep again. While looking at his face, I realized how lucky I am for marrying a guy like him. He didn't have to help their family business but he opted to do it. I adore him. I embrace all the flaws that he has. He is not perfect though. But he is too damn right for me.

We woke up late tonight, around 6:30 na. I took a bath first. Hindi ko na sya ginising because he seems to enjoy his good sleep. After taking a bath, that's the time that I told him "Asawa ko, gising na po...." I didn't want to go trhough all the details that happened at that time. One thing though, he acted as if I'm pregnant. He said "Oh dahan-dahan ka, baka mapano si baby!" to which I responded "Tukmol ka, ano yan..baby tae! Tae lang laman ng tyan ko oy!" LOL He just smiled. I can tell that his smile was something different. I know how much he wants to have a baby. I just told him though that we had to enjoy each other's company first before having a child.

Ahh... I don't know how to end this post. All I know is that I have married the right person at the right time for the right reason.

Russell and I just got into a fight. A fight that started with a joke. A joke that made me feel offended. Even though we are going to be married in 3 months time, it doesn't give him the license to tell me all those trashy things in this world. I still deserve to be respected. I am his wife. I am not his b!@tch.

Well, I want to believe that what Russell said is what really mad but as I lay in my bed, I realized that it's not really what he said. It's just an excuse, I guess. I am really not that sensitive. Could it be that I am under "red alert"? the gloomy weather? the Endless love series I just finished? Or could it be anxiety attack couple with being irritable? I don't know.

In 14 days, I'll finally see the moron I have been waiting for the past 19 months. Isn't this what I want? Isn't this what I am looking forward as every day goes by? I am afraid. The idea of getting married is now finally sinking into my cells-less brains. Sure, wedding preparations can be exciting and fun. But beyond that, I have so many fears now. So many worries to think about. I am not really that domesticated. I did not come from a rich family but I grew up with a house help so I never really had the chance to wash my own clothes, clean up all the clutters in my room and prepare any dishes. With that, I have so many questions in my mind. Will I make a good wife? Will I be able to take good care of him? Can I really wake up early in the morning to prepare all the things he need before going to work? Would I be able to cook all his favorite dishes? What if he ask me to stop doing things I really enjoy, will I be willing to compromise for the sake of being together? Do I need to make "pakisama" to his friends? What if in the long run (I am praying so hard that this will not happen-- i simply love 'em all) his family and I will be caught in a misunderstanding? In short, am i really ready to get married? What if we end up better with out each other?

I don't understand why I am feeling all these jitters. Am I a run-away-bride in the making? Paranoia?! Oh God...please bring back the sanity in me.

Aside from the stress that I am getting from work, the petty quarrels that I have with Russell make me 'drain.' I will not disclose the issues we are dealing with because those are just 'kababawan.' People close to me know that I'd rather die than keep my issues within myself. I am a very vocal person. But over the time, I guess I have come into the maturity stage where I have realized that some things are better left unsaid, especially if saying the things I mean to say would just hurt the people that are dear to me. Russell and I are doing great now. I am so giddy with the fact that he has already scheduled his flight and he is bound to arrive in Manila, morning of October 15.

It is still raining. Though I feel more relaxed, I feel a little depressed. I am not deviant albeit. A lot of people are experiencing some sort of depression during rainy season. (EDIT: Sunlight produces MELANOCYTES which produces melantonin. Melatonin is anti-depressant daw. That is why a lot of people tend to be happy during summer despite of the scorching heat and people tend to be sad/depressed during rainy season because rain prevents sun from emitting melatonin. This is according to a radio program I listened to on my way to work last Friday.)


Blaming it to the gloomy weather, I'm going to Trinoma, (together with the rest of my family) to watch a movie. Most probably, Mudrax and I gonna watch A Love Story while the rest of the family members will watch a flick that has something to do with Penguin as requested by my loving nephew.

I know I ought to visit blogs that are listed in my blogroll. I will resume my blog hopping session when I get back tonight, pramis po.

Later alligator!